Campfire Intimacy
What a week. Hot, cold, up, down and all over the place. That's how life and work has been. I've contemplated the message I wrote you last week about peace. I probably didn't emphasize faith enough. Finding, keeping or having peace certainly is connected to where our trust lies. Trusting an untrustworthy source will wreak havoc. But a reliable one steadies the soul.
Last night, I hung out with some guys around a campfire. It was cold! The fire was hot. The conversations were fascinating. This church I'm a part of does a lot of overseas mission work. Over half of the 12 guys had been to places like Turkey and El Salvador recently, and there was a medical trip to some jungle.
I only knew a few of the guys there and not very well. But it was incredibly enjoyable to listen to how each of them were humbled to be on their trips and the experiences they personally had. Guys sharing from the heart creates a captivating conversation. I'm certain the campfire facilitated the transparency.
Making new friends in a new city is quite a task. I'm personally content with the old friends I have in my old city. 🙂 Yet there is something about the proximity of a person that provides value. No screen. No phone. No earbuds. Not looking at myself. Human-to-human interaction fosters a unique connection. The smokey fragrance wafting, also is alluring.
🔥FIRE🔥
I can't stop mentioning the campfire because it was central - literally in the middle of us all - to our evening. There were no marshmallows or hot dogs, but most of the time our gaze was on the flames. Well, that may not be true. MY gaze was entranced by the flames, as it always is. For me, it's the best gathering mechanism for human connection.
When I think of my wife, my kids, my friends, colleagues and clients, what gathering mechanism do we have that draws us together and keeps us connected? We have a lot of interaction. We have communication. But what brings us together in a way that evokes a level of openness that meshes hearts?
PROACTIVE ACCOUNTABILITY
Challenges and difficulty cause us to share deeply. Through unexpected changes and grand disappointments we quickly get real. That's previously how I existed with my closest friendships. After the end of my first marriage, I determined that was not satisfactory. I wanted relationships where the campfire was always burning, even if just hot coals.
Proactive accountability, not just where I was failing, but where I was succeeding. Where I was attempting. Where I was desiring. And mostly, what stories were going on in my head. I'd light the match that exposed the dwellings in my mind, that let me share freely with my guard down. The richness of every meaningful relationship flourished with that approach.
MINDSHIFT
What if you attempeted proactive accountability with a person or two, that enabled you to have any and every conversation possible?
RECIPROCATION
Around the campfire, I mostly listened. I haven't gone on a mission trip yet. They don't really know me. Most of them have known each other in varying degrees. Of course I inserted a thought or two, made a query and laughed along, because reciprocation is required. Many relationships are strained because the necessary reciprocation for us to go deeper, isn't offered.
Over the course of my life, I have only had two or three friendships actually end. Two of them were because I wasn't willing to be transparently reciprocal with them and one of them was because he wasn't with me. I've had plenty of people come and go from my life. And I like to think that as long as I'm alive, and they are too, we could re-establish our friendship. For being such a relational guy, it's an odd sensation to acknowledge this reality - which definitely crosses my mind from time to time.
MINDSHIFT
What if you assessed your relationships to determine if you needed to increase reciprocation?
SACRED SPACE
I wish I could sit in front of a campfire every night of my life. It's the most peaceful place for me. And maybe that's what this week is about. How do we invite others into our peaceful place? How do we open this part of ourselves without it being hijacked. It's a sacred space that longs for shared relationships within it, but also is inherently guarded.
Let's not protect it so closely, that we prevent ourselves from experiencing it.
Intimacy is such a delicate word, yet that's what transpired around the fire. Trust me, none of those guys went home to their wives and said "I had an intimate evening with 12 other dudes." There's a connection between intimacy and peace that ignites my curiosity. I think I'll build a campfire to consider it more. I hope you will too.
SHIFTING
I hope this week you have peace and a campfire. #ShiftAway
