Duality of Reality
Hi Friend
Can you believe another week has flown by? It has been rich with memory making moments! I was thinking of you last Saturday because after I got off the plane in St. Louis, my daughter and I went straight to a Cardinals game and then walked over to the Arch. Which just so happens to sit on the Mississippi River. In one week's time I was at that river in MN, LA and MO.
We also went to a sculpture garden, a few galleries, ate the best Pad Thai, visited where her summer internship is happening and shopped a lot for clothes for said internship. We rode the metro train (who knew St. Louis had one?), had brunch at the quaintest little boutique coffee shop and had a huge root beer float (four scoops of ice cream) at Fritz's! I love being with that girl!
Our family dynamic is to make the most of our time. I was there for a total of 32 hours and got all that in. Plus I ran 5 miles in Forest Park. I was at an MPI Event this week and the conversation turned to StrengthsFinder. I don't remember what all five of mine are, but my first one is Maximizer. Shocking right?
When I first went to my counselor when my former wife and I separated, he honed right in on that aspect. I dumped a lot on him my initial visit which led to one of the conversation threads being "Why are you like that?" It's where I really grasped the truth that our greatest strength is also our greatest weakness.
DUALITY OF REALITY
I like how I am. Heck, I like who I am. It's frustrating to know this trait about myself that serves me so well, also is the thing that hinders me so effectively. The duality of reality requires me to consciously be mindful of that fact. It's a life-long pursuit to magnify the beneficial aspect and mitigate the harmful. Then apply grace.
What about you? Do you know your Greatest Strength/Greatest Weakness? Do you recognize how it helps you and hurts you? It does do both. That's what makes relational tension so interesting. The thing we like about a person is also the thing that can irritate us the most. From family to friends to colleagues, the closer we are to someone the more we experience the duality.
MINDSHIFT
What if we readily accepted and acknowledged the weakness attached to our strength; creating a list of ways it shows up, consciously diminishing, not defending, it's effect?
Self-awareness is harder than we make it out to be. Because we know all our thoughts, motives, desires and intentions we tend to be self-experts. Who could know us better? That's why we love personality tests. Bring on DiSC, Enneagram, Colors, Meyers-Briggs, Working Genius, the aforementioned StrengthsFinder - they all seem to affirm our inner life with precision.
BLINDSPOTS
That's what makes our destructive behaviors so sneaky - they're layered within and hidden behind our favorite traits. You and I think we have very few blindspots. We actually even think we know what they are. We don't. When someone points one out, our first response isn't gratitude (or even belief). That's what I loved about going to my counselor. I was wide open for him to tell me stuff about myself, that I obviously did not see clearly. We rarely get to that place without crisis.
MINDSHIFT
What if you asked a trusted person to share with you something about yourself they thought was a blindspot for you - and then actually believed them?
I sweat ferociously. It's one of the things I like least about myself. I am the poster child for "don't let them see you sweat" - because I consistently do. Unfortunately, my daughter got that same gene. She gladly reminds me it's my fault she too sweats. UGH. Who wants to pass on undesirable traits to our kids?! Obviously, she is a maximizer as well, though thankfully it looks very different on her. Whew. Though I suspect the only thing harder than seeing our own blindspots is seeing our kids blindspots.
I want to be mindful, how about you? Some of my strength/weakness combos:
Maximizer - lack patience/bulldoze
Confident - disregard others
Creative - avoid details
Optimistic - minimal empathy
Enthusiastic - low tolerance
They say knowing is half the battle. I'd say believing it is the other half. We operate out of our beliefs so once we accept what is true about us, we can consciously make effort to minimize the impact. If we persist in denying the dual reality, we only cause ourself and others pain. I'm gonna keep trying to be aware. I invite you to do the same.
I am completely humbled and grateful that in the midst of all our shortcomings, weaknesses, deficiencies and blatant disregard, forgiveness and grace has been extended to us. It's another dual reality. It's freely given yet costs us our life. There is no downside to it, except the burden of extending grace and forgiveness to others, ourselves. #Easter
SHIFTING
What is one way this week you could shift your mind to recognize a strength/weakness combo and purposely expose the negative trait? You are welcome to share with me or someone else when you do. #ShiftAway
