Judge Me
Hey Friend,
Three things. First, I slept in today, so I'm writing much later in the morning than usual. Second, I had my first opportunity to speak at a Speaker Bureau showcase in Detroit. There were five speakers and five agents. I feared I would sweat up a storm, as I normally do but I was dry and cool, which was pleasantly surprising.
Third, I was back at Shangril La and incorporated my build-a-bridge activity. The previous week around 3pm, EVERYONE had some difficulty staying connected. It had been a long day of sitting and with tacos for lunch, that 3pm-hour came crashing down on us with a fatigue heaviness that couldn't be dodged.
When I flew in to Tulsa, I needed to find about 30 newspapers for the activity. I don't know if you've seen one lately, they are about half the size they once were and twice the price. And they're not easily available. So after many stops I acquired 50 newspapers and the next afternoon we all had a blast and stayed awake!
Isn't that progress? Experience - Learn - Adapt - Do. Repeat. Isn't that life as well? Though each of those steps are extremely subjective. You and I can experience the same interaction and walk away from it with two entirely different experiences. Isn't that curious?
FILTERS
At the showcase, after I spoke for 30 minutes, the agents each gave me their feedback. We turned on my phone voice recorder, so thankfully I have every word captured. They all witnessed the same thing, but shared vastly different perspectives because of their bureau and client's filter. The judged me through their world's lens.
People don't like being judged. But all judgment is, is someone putting us through their lens of life, values, priorities and expectations. It has a negative connotation, except on talent-based-shows. American Idol, America's Got Talent, Dancing with the Stars all have judges that people love and want to hear from. Why is that when so many people in real life get angry/hurt/defensive if someone judges them?
MINDSHIFT
What if every time you felt judged you responded in gratitude, acknowledging and appreciating someone else lives with entirely different filters than you do?
INVITATION
I opted in to the showcase. I WANTED to be judged. In day-to-day life most of us don't invite others to offer their detailed opinions about us. Mainly because we don't believe the person is worthy to wear the robe, sitting in judgment of our choices. Certainly, they don't know or understand what got us to this place, so their perspective isn't valid.
I can get on board with that philosophy, but then why do we respond so negatively? If the judge's view is limited, why does it create such an emotional response in us? The posture of invitation lets us be open to any and all thoughts expressed our way, without the need to defend ourselves. It's possible, but rare.
MINDSHIFT
What if you actively opened your heart and mind to a place of "I invite you to judge me" so when it occurs, you can internally think "what can I glean from this?"
SECURITY
I wasn't terribly nervous about the showcase, but it was a unique setting; one I'd never been in before, so I was out of my element. I know my message is good, my delivery is decent and me being me is the best strategy. I have a sense of security about that. Insecurity is what exaggerates judgment. Insecurity is what attaches weakness to identity. Insecurity amplifies judgment in all the worst ways.
When we don't invite judges into our life, when one enters, security let's us benefit from their unsolicited offers. Insecurity can take a look, gesture or sound from someone and try to dismantle our emotional fortitude. Security is the outer guard to our heart that lets us rest in who, how and why we are.
Judges gonna judge. We can benefit from their unique filter.
The level of negative emotional sabotage that occurs inside of us, is an indicator of our own insecurities needing dealt with, not the judges wrongness for inserting unsolicited thoughts.
SHIFTING
I hope this week you take all the judgment and convert it through your own filter of wisdom and confidence, gaining emotional strength, enabling you to listen without defense, making just a little more progress in your life.
#ShiftAway
