Possibility-to-Responsibility Gap

Dear friend,

It has been such a wonderful few days! I am in St. Louis. My daughter graduated college yesterday and it couldn't have been a better experience. Both in her four years of school and the day itself. It was beautiful outside. The ceremony didn't happen until 2pm so we had a lazy morning of hanging out. My son is here. My former wife is here. It's the first time all four of us have been together in almost six years.

After the ceremony we dined at one of Lainey's favorite restaurants. Well, favorite when someone else is paying. Then we walked around the area admiring the big, old homes and their unique designs. After that we headed to the zoo where they have a special "lanterns after-glow" display set up throughout the park. It wasn't dark, but it was still interesting to see everything.

Graduation day is real and symbolic. It creates a very big line in the sand of before and after. It marks time, our life and our decision-making strategies in a defining way. Expectations prior to it shift tremendously after it. I love these big days. I wish we all had more of them in our life. The mix of celebration, anticipation and the great unknown is stirring. As mentioned last week, she doesn't have a job lined up yet. 

Granted she is working full time at a place that offered her a job. She was an intern last summer and worked this past school year there, which she'll continue to do. She just doesn't want to stay in St. Louis. And she'd like to assert herself in the non-profit space, specifically in Chicago near her brother. Or she'd like to be in NYC. The options at this stage of life are endless and severely limited. 

PARADOX

Isn't that all of our lives? The great paradox of life: Wide open possibilities and the restriction of responsibilities. The trick is to make the responsibilities we carry the dream we imagine endless possibilities afford, right? The more we live in conflict internally, which certainly leads to friction externally, the less peace we get. But the more we define the burdens we bear as the desire of our heart, the more joy seeps out.

I have a friend who is indecisive. Won't go all-in on some big decisions. So the hovering creates enormous tension and frustration for them and the people around them. Trying to hold onto everything eventually leads to having nothing. My life has benefitted from making decisions that eliminate other options. We win some, we lose some, but at least we get to taste fully of life when we let go and engage completely in one direction.

MINDSHIFT

What if you reframed your current responsibilities as the possibilities you alwawys hoped to experience? Go all in!

GOOD, BETTER, BEST

In my early twenties I remember learning the concept of "opportunity costs." I was a young leader who didn't want to miss out on anything. I was 19 when Dead Poets Society came out, so of course I wanted to Carpe diem! (still do). Realizing that to seize the day I had to eliminate other desirable pursuits was a blow. The friction of trying to determine which was the better option was exhausting for a season. Don't we all want to make the "best" choices?

It appears there are good, better and best decisions. It took me longer to realize that whatever decision I made, if I gave myself entirely to it, it became the best decision, regardless of the outcome or what became of the other opportunities. The quality of our decisions isn't defined by the results, but by our commitment to them. That's why indecision is the worst decision of all. No commitment produces the least satisfaction with the least consequential results. Or worse, negative.

MINDSHIFT

What if you let go of some of the things you're holding onto, so those options that remain get your deepest commitments?

HUMOR

I'm incredibly proud of my daughter. As college is intended to do, she not only got an academic education, she gained a few life-lessons that came with pain. They won't be forgotten. They've turned into humorous stories, as is a Hawks Family tradition. Taking a hurtful difficulty, extracting a lesson or two, then reexamining it for an amusing angle embeds the experience in our soul in the most useful way. 

Our decisions matter. Consequences are serious. Also, laughing at the ridiculousness of life offers a release and relief you deserve.

The possibility-to-responsibility gap is worth examining. Are you being indecisive because you fear the opportunity cost? Are you hovering in hopes that the "right decision" will become obvious. It won't. It's not a thing. The best decision is the one we give ourselves fully to. Do that. No one is keeping score. What we lose or gain from a choice is completely definable by us. Let's define some wins.

(Also, if you are connected to anyone in the non-profit space in Chicago, let's see if they want the joy of my daughter in their life daily.)

SHIFTING

I hope this week you don't let the confusion of too many options or possibilities deter you from making solid decisions and focusing in one area. Your life deservesyour commitments. #ShiftAway