Your Opinion is Right, Right?
Hi Friend
I am writing you early this week because we're heading out on a road trip/vacation for the next few days. It should be quite an adventure. Speaking of adventures last week I wrote you from a delayed flight. Well, the next leg was delayed too, so I made it. I had the most fabulous and fun time in Louisiana. They put me in a ghillie suit, which was a first.
I've also been in the final throes of my book. We've landed on a cover. I invited a handful of people to pick between two taglines for the book. One outranked the other substantially. Also, several of them expanded the request to provide their own thoughts and suggestions. I genuinely value their considerate input.
Something I've learned through this process of writing a book, designing the cover and considering the marketing for it, is that EVERYTHING is subjective. I have come to appreciate that when my editor makes a change or rearranges the order of things, it's not right or wrong, it's simply his expertise being exerted on my best efforts.
I have the same experience with Monica when she designs something - which she designed over 15 different covers. Each of them have merit and appeal and might work just as well as the one we've landed on, heck maybe even better. I personally like the ambiguity of creativity. It gives a margin of grace for decision making.
PRIORITY FILTER
There is no "right" cover, though there are certainly ones that make it more appealing. What I've found is the priority filter each person uses to make their decision, is what causes them to be so uniquely different. It's not just a matter of taste, but the motivation informing the opinion. Isn't that true of all life's decisions? We fight with one another about "best" or "right" choices, but rarely dig into "... in light of this priority, I believe..." or "... what's motivating my choice is..."
Those two elements are foundational to our position. They make for great questions, when you are deadlocked, combative or simply disagree. 1) What outcome from this decision is most important to you?
2) What past experience or person is shaping your perspective? Talk about opening up a more meaningful conversation that will bring a more satisfying solution.
MINDSHIFT
What if the next time you are in a deep disagreement with someone you stop and ask those two questions?
A PENNY FOR YOUR THOUGHTS
The challenge with asking for opinions is when they're not utilized, it can feel insulting. We've all had that sensation when someone doesn't do what we recommend that goes something like "Well why did you even ask me if you weren't going to listen to me?!" I've been subjected to that sentiment throughout my life, because I like having a broad selection of perspectives that inform, contrast, challenge, confirm or expand on my own strong point of view.
It's useful when asking to say "I'm collecting a variety of opinions if you want to contribute." I regularly forget to do that. 😕 It's in the details of the multiple offerings that provide subtle nuance which typically sways me. The combination of ideas synthesize into a valid alternative.
MINDSHIFT
What if you regularly invited a think tank of peers to offer thoughts on important decisions you were making and actually considered their suggestions?
LOVE MY OPINION
I've been fortunate to assemble a life advisory board (LAB) of people who know and love me. I've referenced them numerous times throughout these writings over the years. I also have a gang of colleagues who are good friends that act as a sounding board for me. I'm rich with relationships, which is humbling, gratifying and empowering.
And yet, I hold my own viewpoint in an absurd high regard. It's hard to break free from liking, if not loving, our own opinion, isn't it Monica? Ironically, when it comes to the book cover... between you and me... my opinion is entirely influenced by two of my favorite books: The Tipping Point and Thinking, Fast & Slow. So it's not even my opinion, as much as it is my ego desiring to be associated with those authors.
Which weirdly takes us back to the ghillie suit. Apparently, I just want to blend in with those highly esteemed books.It's worth evaluating the root of our opinions. As much as they are ours, where they come from reveals a deeper truth.
SHIFTING
I hope this week you enlist a variety of people into your decision-making process. As well as consider the deeper realities of your disagreements and opinions. #ShiftAway
